39 year old woman declares marriage and baby goals on second date

At 39 years old, Melissa Persling has found herself being refreshingly upfront with her dates about her goals of getting married and having children. It's an approach she once judged harshly in other women but now embraces as a necessity given her situation.

Melissa reflects on her past perspective with Business Insider, admitting that she used to think middle-aged women who talked about marriage and children early in dating were foolish and embarrassing. She would wonder how they could divulge such longings at their advanced age, thinking they sounded desperate.

Her viewpoint shifted when she became that single, childless woman in her late 30s. She told the platform, that on a recent second date over a game of pool, Melissa blurted out, "I want a baby!" to her date, who was drinking a light beer. While she now cringes at her lack of tact, in the moment, her candor came from knowing she doesn't have time for pleasantries.

Melissa says she is aware that she's already in the age range considered for geriatric pregnancy. She acknowledges that women a decade or more younger than her are essentially competing for the same eligible men, which she feels puts her at a disadvantage.

The biological realities are daunting for Melissa. She faces higher risks for complications when getting pregnant outside the ideal childbearing years of 20-35. With no luxury to play coy, if she wants marriage and kids, she has to be upfront and intentional about finding an aligned partner on the same timeline.

"In my dating life, I'm looking for a relationship leading to marriage and children," she says. "But I don't imagine my urgency for those things is a big turn-on for men."

Melissa humorously imagines laying out her agenda bluntly to potential partners. She jokes about asking if they're ready to trade their sports car for a minivan while she gains weight, mentioning her desire to be a stay-at-home mom and the need for good health insurance.

While she doesn't actually present her desires quite so bluntly, Melissa knows her checklist of wanting marriage and kids is a lot to put on the table early with men. Her dating pool is limited at her age with these goals.

Melissa explains that finding a never-married man around 40 who still hopes to have kids is extremely rare. She sees her options as mostly divorcées who already have children or men who have chosen to remain bachelors.

The dating landscape can be challenging. Many men her age have already had children or have prioritized their careers over starting families.

Melissa emphasizes that dating at her age and with her goals requires patience and perspective. She doesn't mean to imply that she's less desirable than younger women, as some men prefer the maturity and stability of partners her age. However, she acknowledges that finding an eligible man for biological children in one's late 30s can be difficult.

"It's fair to say that finding an eligible man to have a biological child with in middle age can be a challenge," she says. "Ultimately though, I have plenty to offer a partner outside of youth, like my sense of humor, which makes me a desirable partner too."

Melissa no longer judges women her age who lead with their desire for marriage and family. If anything, she now understands their perspective completely.

"No, now I get it completely," she says of her newfound candor. "When you're a woman of a certain age with these specific goals, there's no time to beat around the bush. You must put it all out there and hope for the best."