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Today: February 19, 2025
Today: February 19, 2025

Is He Ghosting You and Making You Feel Crazy? It Could Be "Ghostlighting"

Is He Ghosting You and Making You Feel Crazy? It Could Be Ghostlighting: The new dating trend combining ghosting and gaslighting. Experts warn of its manipulative nature and offer advice on recognizing and dealing with it.
January 30, 2025
Jasmin Jose - LA Post

Ghosting has long been a frustrating part of modern dating, but experts warn of a troubling new trend: "ghostlighting." This phenomenon occurs when someone suddenly cuts off communication, only to reappear later and manipulate their former partner into questioning their own experiences.

"At its core, ghostlighting is emblematic of an era where convenience trumps commitment," said Barbara Santini, a psychologist and relationships adviser. In an interview with Glamour UK, she said "it merges emotional withdrawal with psychological manipulation in ways that can be deeply confusing for the recipient."

According to the article, experts claim that ghostlighting typically occurs when someone who has stopped communicating returns and attempts to shift blame or sow doubt about the nature of the relationship. The ghostlighter often denies past conversations, accuses their partner of being too demanding, or sends mixed signals to create uncertainty.

"It normally happens when someone is confronted for ghosting," said Jamie Johnston, co-founder of the dating app Mattr. For example, ‘Hey, is everything okay, you seem distant?’ might be met with ‘Well, I thought you didn't seem interested enough in me.’ Their actions are now your fault.”

Common signs of ghostlighting include sudden withdrawal followed by re-engagement, blaming the other person for the lack of contact, denying previous plans or conversations, and sending inconsistent messages that create confusion.

Tina Wilson, founder of the dating app Wingman, advises those experiencing ghostlighting to watch for manipulative behavior and inconsistent stories.The most common sign is the narrative they will start to create. Often a ghostlighter in a romantic relationship will manipulate you to make you believe you are portraying an overly needy vibe and ultimately responsible for pushing them away. Shockingly, they will create a scenario that avoids admitting to any wrongdoing on their part.”

“Other red flag behaviors include catching them in a lie or observing manipulative behavior in other areas of life that causes confusion or serves their own interests. Clearly, they do not show any care or conscience in their actions, which can be a sign that this pattern extends into other areas of their life, such as their love life. Mixed signals early on in your relationship, especially if those signals cause you to feel confused or question your own sanity, is another red flag.”" Wilson said.

Experts recommend setting clear boundaries and trusting one’s own experiences to navigate modern dating. Seeking support from friends or professionals can help those affected by ghostlighting process their emotions and move forward.

As dating continues to evolve with the rise of digital interactions, experts caution that new challenges like ghostlighting may require increased awareness and resilience among those looking for meaningful connections. The growing reliance on dating apps and online matchmaking has introduced new complexities, making it more important than ever to recognize and address harmful dating behaviors.

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