Reddit backs woman who kept secret from in-laws

A woman's revelation that she understood months of harsh criticism from her German-speaking in-laws has garnered widespread support on social media platform Reddit. Her post detailing the confrontation has accumulated more than 24,000 upvotes.

The woman, posting under username u/Sea-Rip-9749, shared how she endured disparaging remarks in German from her husband's family after relocating from Canada to Germany, only to later surprise them by responding in their native language.

According to her account, the tension began shortly after she and her husband, Peter, moved to Germany. When she initially noticed the critical comments, she approached her husband about his family's behavior, and he promised to address the situation with them.

The confrontation remained dormant until the birth of their daughter. The original poster wrote that she subsequently limited contact with her in-laws due to their disapproval of her daughter's name. "For a while I did not visit my in-laws. I did not want to hear them talk about how I should not have named my daughter Lilith," she explained.

The situation escalated during a recent family dinner. "As soon as we showed up, things started to go badly," she wrote. Her sister-in-law allegedly called her 'a fat, ugly hokey addict' in German, assuming she would not understand.

"I turned to my sister-in-law and mother-in-law and told them off in German," the woman wrote in her post. "I basically said that I have always known what they have said about me. The table instantly blew up. People were yelling at me because apparently this was all my fault."

Relationship educator Fereshta Ramsey, speaking to Newsweek, characterized the woman's response as "a symptom of being in a difficult dynamic." Ramsey noted that dysfunctional family patterns often require significant time to change.

"Setting boundaries is not always niceties and perfect communication," Ramsey said. "Sometimes it is saying, 'I understand what you are saying, and it is not OK.'"

The Reddit community overwhelmingly supported the woman's actions. User WatchingTellyNow commented, "Do they really think you would not learn the language of the country where you live? They have been extremely rude to you and about you."

Another user, Aestro17, apologized that the original poster had married into a family of "a******s" and criticized how they deflected blame rather than acknowledging their behavior.

The confrontation led to conflict, with family members blaming the woman for concealing her language abilities. She and her husband left the gathering, and communication with the in-laws has ceased since the incident.

Ramsey emphasized to Newsweek that the couple's unity would be crucial moving forward, even if it means reducing contact with the extended family. The Reddit community echoed this sentiment, with many users suggesting that the husband should have intervened earlier to prevent the situation.

"Your husband needed to grow a shiny spine as soon as they started, and should have told them off instantly," wrote WatchingTellyNow in a highly-supported comment.