Thinking about moving in? The pros and cons of cohabitation versus marriage

Nowadays, an increasing number of couples prefer to live together before getting married - or instead of marrying at all. Shacking up with a romantic partner was once frowned upon, but it has now become a common relationship trend.

Per the 2019 Pew Research Center analysis, the facts show that almost 60% of adults under 45 have lived with an unmarried partner before. Of those who did walk down the aisle between 2015 and 2019, over 75% had cohabited first. Typically, couples stay unmarried for over two and a half years while sharing a home.

There are several driving forces behind this uptick in unmarried cohabitation. One big reason is to get a closer look at a partner's habits and lifestyle fit before a bigger commitment.

In an interview with University College Dublin Sara Bennett, a relationship expert in L.A says "It's an important test run to truly get to know each other". "You see their quirks, how clean or messy they are, how they handle money – things you miss when just dating."

Matt Garville, 38, lived with his now-wife Aloria for a year before proposing. He says it was "like auditioning each other" to preview married life together, he told Vox.

However, experts warn that simply living together isn't the same as being married. Studies show married partners report higher relationship quality and happiness compared to cohabiting duos.

Money matters are also a factor in the decision to cohabit pre-marriage. With high costs of living, flat wages, and goals like homeownership, many couples today postpone marriage until greater financial footing.

A sociology professor in Miami, Dr. Jamie Lewis notes in Children in Cohabiting Unions that "Couples usually want to hit a money milestone first before marrying" a sociology prof in Miami. "Cohabiting helps them save and split expenses meanwhile."

According to Pew Research Center, shifting societal views on marriage are another key driver. Around 40% of young women now see marriage as "outdated," and acceptance of unmarried couples living together is higher than ever before.

This contrasts with past times when cohabiting was linked to lower classes and seen as wrong or shocking. The sexual revolution in the 60s-70s helped normalize premarital sex and cohabitation. 

Meanwhile, increased birth control access gave women more control over family planning decisions. A move away from traditional religious values also made unmarried cohabitation more acceptable.

"Generations ago, couples living together before marriage would've been seen as nuts," says Lewis. "Now, it's crazy to marry right away without living together first."

For some pairs, cohabiting is preferred to marriage because it avoids legal/financial entanglement. There's also been discrimination preventing some groups from fully accessing marriage rights and benefits.

At the same time, splitting after years of cohabiting can be as devastating as divorce. There's no legal process for dividing property, assets, or child custody disputes.

"Cohabitation offers no protections, which can harm the more vulnerable partner, often women sacrificing careers for kids," Bennett continue to notes.

Ultimately, both paths have pros and cons. The healthiest move is for unmarried couples to openly discuss goals, timelines, and what living together means to each person.

"There's no one-size-fits-all despite what society says," Lewis states. "The right choice comes down to the couple's values, needs and relationship vision long-term."