As social values change, so do the ways parents raise their children. There is a new trend among kids that goes against the traditional thought of sleepovers. The "sleepunder" or "lateover" is becoming more popular among parents all over the country. They choose to pick up their kids before bedtime instead of letting them stay the night at a friend's house.
This departure from the classic sleepover experience raises questions about the underlying motivations driving this shift. According to psychological experts, the rise of sleepunders is rooted in a deep concern for children's safety and well-being.
Renowned psychoanalyst and parenting expert Erica Komisar, who lives in New York, shines light on this trend. She says that the practice of sleepunders isn't always a sign of overprotective parenting, but rather of being aware of each child's specific wants and feelings.
"While some kids can navigate sleepovers without hesitation, others may find the change in routine unsettling," Komisar explains. "Sleepunders or lateovers offer a valuable compromise, particularly for younger children, those with separation anxiety, or those who struggle with transitions related to sleep."
The decision to opt for sleepunders is often born out of a parent's innate desire to safeguard their children from potential harm in unfamiliar environments. Nicholette Leanza, a psychotherapist at LifeStance Health in Beechwood, Ohio, highlights this concern. "The fear that a child may be exposed to guns in the home or become a victim of sexual abuse is enough to make any parent uneasy about allowing their child to spend the night elsewhere," she says.
Neha J., a mother from New York, exemplifies this sentiment. She and her spouse have a strict policy against traditional sleepovers for their 9-year-old daughter. "It's something we've grown up with as well," she confides. "We're not comfortable with our daughter going for sleepovers." Instead, they typically pick up their daughter around 11 p.m. or at the latest hour permitted by the host family, allowing her to experience the social aspect without the overnight stay.
While the sleepunder trend may alleviate parental anxieties, experts acknowledge that it can impact children in varying ways. Leanza notes, "Some kids may prefer sleeping in their own beds, so they don't mind being picked up without spending the night. However, others may feel embarrassed or different from their peers for not being allowed to participate in the full sleepover experience."
Neha J. has encountered such pushback from her daughter on occasion, as she has grown older. "This arrangement sometimes disappoints her," she admits. "We explain that while we understand her desire to stay with friends, as parents, we feel more comfortable having her at home for the night, especially when we aren't well-acquainted with the other child's family."
At the core of the sleepunder trend lies a deep-seated parental instinct to protect one's offspring, even at the risk of temporary disappointment. As Neha J. explains, "We believe children are most vulnerable when asleep, and by bringing her home, we eliminate even the slightest possibility of harm or discomfort that might occur in an unfamiliar environment."
However, experts suggest that sleepunders could serve as a transitional phase, a trial run for eventual full-fledged sleepovers. Leanza recommends starting with allowing kids to sleep over at the homes of trusted relatives or loved ones before gradually expanding to the homes of friends or classmates after thorough vetting and conversation with the other parents about potential safety concerns.
"My advice would be for parents to be cautious but not overprotective," Leanza advises. "We all want to protect our children, but we also don't want to smother them. It's all about striking a balance."
As the sleepunder trend continues to gain traction, it represents a delicate dance between parental protectiveness and fostering independence in children. While some may view it as a departure from cherished childhood traditions, others embrace it as a thoughtful compromise, ensuring their little ones feel secure while still experiencing the joys of socializing with friends. Only time will tell whether sleepunders become a widely accepted norm or a fleeting phase in the ever-shifting sands of parenthood. Nonetheless, it serves as a poignant reminder that the well-being and safety of children will forever be the paramount concern for the vast majority of parents, even if it means redefining long-held customs along the way.